Anticipating

The first day of school is 2 and a half weeks away and I'm anticipating a great year, but I'm still a bundle of nerves. I feel almost like a first year teacher. It's only my third year, so I'm definitely not a veteran, but I do feel like I'm getting a handle on my curriculum. I have taught the same two classes, so I'm not yet worn out, but just starting to feel like I know where to go next with my lessons. My nerves this year are based mostly on management. I've worked out procedures for everything this year and tightened my resolve to run a tight, but not too tight ship. Yet, I'm nervous. I hate confrontation. I run away! Far away! Whenever I feel it coming. So, I'm going to have to get over it, but then again maybe I won't. Maybe I'll have a perfect year and my procedures will do their job and I won't have to deal with the kid who told me constantly that his goal in life was to be a druglord. He regaled me with the tales of his several arrests and all the times he should have been arrested and wasn't. I'm not a big girl and he was a big guy, so one time when I tried to kick him out he simply said, "what are you gonna do?"
What do I do with that? How do I handle that kid?

I know! I know! Call the school resource officer! Get him out of your room! Right?

Yeah, but what does that teach that kid? He's so hardened and so enabled by his family that he flat doesn't care.

Do I care too much? Sometimes I think I do. My reasons for attempting to develop relationship with that kid was a small hope that I could reach him. That I could be that superman teacher that would reach into his life and create a love for learning.
So call it first/second year teacher naivete, but if I don't care why am I here?

I have to care and I have to be firm. Finding the balance is the key.